Category: Personal


My Adventures in Medicine

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February 25, 2012

“I’m need to insert a digit into your back passage, is that ok?”
“Sure, have at i-NNGK!!”

My attempt to sound nonchalant and care-less about the idea of a strangers finger probing my inner world like a blind man with a stick looking for the kerb was cut short by rather physical reminder than I really wasn’t that nonchalant about it at all! In fact the moment I heard the words several things came to mind. Firstly: Oh God, am I really that old already? Am I now at the age of regular prostate checks?!
My second thought was actually a jumble of anxiety, discomfort at the thought of what was about to happen, and wishing I had known in advance so I could scrub my rear with disinfectant and bleach it porn-star white in preparation for its first public performance.
The final thing that entered my mind, and stayed there for some time after The Event, was

And that isn’t even the worst thing that happened at the urologist (or was promised to happen anyway).

I am losing a lot of faith in GPs at the moment. They failed to take my liver problem seriously for years, have failed to take my partner seriously (specifically refer her to the specialist who might actually be able to help), and apparently didn’t take my weeing blood seriously enough. When I told the urologist that it had happened three or four times in the past five years or so he was stunned that I hadn’t seen a urologist before. Although now I wish I hadn’t because I’m booked in for a less than pleasant experience.

I have had cameras in my body before, run down my throat into my stomach to investigate possible causes of illness, acid, and so on. It is an experience torture I have endured twice, and hope never ever to have to do again. Certainly not helped by my fear of being strangled, which was set off so badly the first time that nurses had to hold me down. This is also when I learned (on a BBC radio show coincidentally on after the procedure) that the “general” anaesthetic they give is pretty much the same as rohypnol, the date rape drug! You are conscious and in control (although compliant) through the procedure, but can’t really remember it afterwards. Luckily I don’t have to go through that again just yet.

Not that my substitute is any better. It’s called a cytoscopy and bluntly it involves a fibre-optic tube being run up into my bladder…from the closest opening.

It should be ok though – I have a feeling that when I see the doctor approaching my penis with this device I will scream like little girl and pass out!

Oh body of mine, why do you hate me so that you put me through this? I know I abused you in the past, filled you with toxins, fats, and all sorts of substances. I know I didn’t exercise you properly or pamper you much. I know I hurt you both accidentally and intentionally at times. But isn’t the liver thing enough? Haven’t you had your revenge already?!

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Effective Study Week a.k.a. Reading Week

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February 15, 2012

Studying = Student + DyingSo we’re halfway through reading week and so far I’ve typed up one lecture of notes. Not good.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the idea of reading week, it’s basically half term for university students. Only instead of relaxing, it is a time free from lectures to consolidate what you have learned so far, revise, and catch up on anything you’re behind on. In my case, and with many other students, it is a desperately needed time to catch up on lecture notes and reading that I have got behind on.

I annoy myself sometimes. I know all the principles of good study, I know exactly what to do to get good grades, and I can give others plenty of good study advice. But do I follow my own advice? Of course I don’t.

I need to pull my finger out (I still don’t understand that expression – I have to admit that to my corrupt mind it sounds vaguely obscene!). I really need to rediscover my motivation. So today is dedicated solely to two things: typing up lecture notes, and a trip to the gym at 1.

A good friend and I came up with a saying at the start of first year that reflects our goals and reminds us to strive towards them. Unfortunately it makes a terrible acronym, but somehow it still works:

YAFSALO
You’re A First Student, Act Like One.

I like it especially because it reminds me that a First is in the reach of anyone, even me. People on my course often say “But you’re smart, I’m not as smart as you”. The honest truth is I’m really not that smart! I just work hard and put a lot of effort into being organised. Which in itself is a great example of the same thing – people comment on how organised I seem to be but in truth naturally I am terribly disorganised and have comments on school reports right back to primary school to prove it! It is only through huge effort that I have managed to learn how to fake being organised. As they say: fake it till you make it ;-)

With that in mind I am off to plan my goals for today. Wish me luck!

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Back in Training

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February 12, 2012

Today I made it to the first of the training sessions for my level 3 NVQ in Mental Health Work in the Community that I’ve managed to make it to for a while. Illness and business have proven to be obstacles ever the winter period. I am glad I went though, I forgot how much I enjoy having enthusiastic discussions about mental health issues with other similarly passionate people. It is going to be difficult to find time to do the work on top of everything else though. But in the end uni comes first, so if this is delayed or whatever then that’s fine by me.

Today’s unit was all about communication and communication styles. It’s an essential topic that really gets visited multiple times throughout the level two and three courses. This time around the slant is to identify “barriers to good communication”, such as internal barriers (insecurity, shyness, fear), interpersonal barriers (power balance, opportunity to speak and be listened to etc.), environmental barriers (noisy environment, environment too public for confidential conversations, interruptions from others) and more. I particularly liked the advice on communicating with someone who is hallucination or delusional – from experience I know how frightening it is when you suddenly find yourself confronted by someone who believes they are Jesus and that everyone can read their mind, and they feel intense guilt because the thoughts going round their mind is wishing that everyone would die. Having even the limited guidance that City and Guilds provides is helpful.

The part about communication styles was fun, I found myself getting (maybe a little over-) excited about the mention of Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis, a particular love of mine. I also got quite annoyed that the course material equated Rollnick & Miller’s Motivational Interviewing with DiClemente & Prochaska’s Cycle of Change Model. I got a bit animated in my pointing out that they are in fact two quite different things!

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Noisy Neighbour Continues

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February 9, 2012

Neighbour is at it again. 22:45 her tv went on loud, thankfully earlier than usual (thankful because she might shut up earlier). I immediately logged it with the Noise Complaints Team who have added it to the case. I managed to speak to them today (as opposed to the out of hours team who only take a message to be passed on to the day team), and they will be sending someone around to speak to her. They also still have our complaints on file from March last year.

I am honestly sad that it has come to this – I prefer to deal with situations myself in an adult manner rather than needing to involved outside services. But sadly she has made it clear that she has no intention of engaging in communication like a mature adult so we have had no option. So much so that tonight we haven’t even bothered attempting to knock, despite the loud TV and shouting.

Tonight we are armed with earplugs so hopefully whatever happens we should be able to get some sleep. I tried these foam earplugs last night and was impressed with how comfy they were and how well I slept – I could swear they even blocked out my tinnitus! I feel worst for my partner tho, with a combination of emetophobia and being ill she really has enough to deal with right now and her stress and anxiety levels are already way high.

The actions of a completely selfish person have significantly impacted our lives, to the point where we are considering moving out. I hate to be “beaten” like this, but if nothing changes then I suspect the situation man escalate into something quite nasty. The stupid thing is her TV may not even be that loud, it might just be because its right above our bedroom and the sound carries through so well. She may not realise this. But she would if she answered the door and actually engaged in conversation. I was thinking about the last complaint we made, and I remember when I knocked again she refused to answer or respond in any kind of useful manner – instead I heard her snap from her living room “fuck off whoever is knocking on my door at this time of night”. Ironic?

I haven’t had a chance to print that letter yet, must get that done tomorrow.

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Being an Ambassador

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February 7, 2012

I have been a Student Ambassador for Widening Participation pretty much since my first week at Brunel. I was introduced to the scheme by the ambassadors that facilitated Head Start Week that I attended in my first year (a week before freshers week where certain students have the opportunity to come in, experience various lectures and seminars, and get to explore the campus and services). As a ambassador for widening participation I get to talk to younger students from under represented backgrounds about the benefits and experience of higher education. I give short talks on my experience as a student, take groups on tours of the campus, and try to fill young students with an interest and enthusiasm for higher education that they might not otherwise have.

And there are days like today, where I am at a higher education fayre at a college. I am here to talk to students and parents and there are a lot more practical questions to answer (most groups on campus are primary or middle school so much more general interest).

I love this work, I love having the opportunity to encourage people from a more difficult background (like myself) to aim higher, to believe in themselves and aspire to be better than the opportunities given to them. Although today for some reason (probably tiredness) I freaked out at my talk at this morning’s event and stumbled over all my words :-( And as a student I have to admit that, being paid work, the money is certainly welcome!

What I *don’t* like is days like today, when I have committed myself to work at strange times and my partner is ill and having a bad day. I want nothing more right now than to be home with her giving her hugs and comfort :-(

So if anyone is reading this, please send some get-well vibes her way :-)

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Selfish Neighbours From Hell

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February 7, 2012

The below is a letter I intend to stick up inside the front door of my house.

I am utterly stunned that anyone can be so inconsiderate, selfish, and rude! Sadly this is a case of nightmare neighbours – these are the same ones who flooded their house because they “fell asleep mate” while running a bath, and caused water to come through our ceiling – with no real apology. Even then they refused to answer the door and only eventually did because I came back just as they were stood on the other side of the door (which has frosted glass so they knew I could see them). It is also the same neighbours who have had a number of visits from the RSPCA concerned about the welfare of their cats.

I have to get up in just over five hours now, and will be working or in lectures solidly from 9am-8pm. In the evening I have to be in a state to represent my university at a high school event and talk to parents and potential students. How I’m going to manage it with the lack of sleep I don’t know! It’s times like this that make me wonder if the goal of becoming a therapist is really for me – this makes me hate people :-(

Dear Flat 6,

On Tuesday morning, at around 00:15 we were woken up by loud noise from your flat, apparently coming from your television. You may not realise, but with our bedroom directly underneath the noise carries through quite significantly. At 00:30 I knocked on your door politely to request that you turn the volume down, which you reacted to not by answering the door but by turning the volume up even higher. At 00:35, still having had no response, I knocked loudly and called through your letterbox “can you please turn your music down”. Still with no response I then banged very loudly, which finally prompted you to turn the volume down, albeit still at a level where it kept us awake until 1:54 when the volume finally reached a reasonable level (during which time we also reported the noise to the Hillingdon Noise Complaints Team then at 1:35 to Metropolitan Police).

I regret that such aggressive action was forced and take absolutely no pleasure in it. I deeply dislike conflict and would prefer to treat each other with mutual respect in future. I understand that sometimes it can be easy to lose track of time and have things on loud at late (early) hours, however if someone knocks on your door in the future and you have your volume up high please either turn the volume down or respond to the knock so the issue can be resolved in a pleasant and adult manner.

To all others,

I sincerely apologise for any disturbance my banging may have caused, I certainly did not wish to cause any disturbance to anyone else.

Kind regards,
Psychology Student #-55

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Living With An Undead Liver

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February 3, 2012

image

“Would you like me to take a look?
Let’s see…would I like a complete stranger, GP or otherwise, to inspect my boy bits? No not really, in fact quite definitely not. But to be honest you’re not going to be much use to me unless you do so I guess we had better get this other with.

Warning: there be talk of medical things ahead, like blood, infections, wee, and in internal civil war. Those of you who find such things repulsive should skip this post!

Auto-immune disorders are like a double-whammy of suck. First you have the damage that your own auto-immune system does to your organs, in my case my liver, but then you are put on immuno-suppressing steroids which have a list of side effects so full of suck that at times you start to wonder if the scales aren’t balancing out in favour of not taking them! Blood sugar problems, weight gain, increased appetite, mania in bipolar sufferers (just what I need), depression, difficulty controlling emotions, osteoporosis, migranes, anxiety, stomach and abdominal pain, mental confusion and difficulty concentrating, fatigue and insomnia, and even bone death. Don’t forget: these are the medications that are supposed to be HELPING me! And then there’s the real fun one: because they are immuno-suppressant (and because they are not especially targeted) I am highly susceptible to infections and viral attacks.

Which leads to situations like today, when I am presenting at the GP with my third urinary infection in as many years (for those of you who just screamed “TMI!!” you should know I write honestly and openly…about everything!). The real kicker is that all previous times the tests have come back as “microbacteria”, which basically means the lab couldn’t figure out what caused the infection but most likely it was the kind of bacteria that passes harmlessly through the body of anyone with a functioning immune system.

I did enjoy the question “are you sure there was blood in your urine” to which I replied “absolutely. Although I am less sure that there was urine in my blood in the sample I provided!”

I was pretty naughty with my meds over summer. While on placement I kept forgetting to take them, and not seeing any overt difference I thought I would try coming off them with the strange thought in my head “maybe it was all a mistake, or maybe I’ve got better!” I know it seems ridiculous to someone who doesn’t take medication regularly, but it is in easy for these thoughts to appear when you have to take tablets every single day – especially if they’re for something that even if you stop taking them for a bit you don’t really notice any difference. I was expecting to see signs of early jaundice if things weren’t going well – I make a great Simpsons character – by my body was keeping secrets from of it seems. The results of my first liver screen and ultrasound in a year came in and told the story that my body had kept quiet. The result is my medication dose has been tripled. So if you see me looking confused, tired, and hungry then you know why. Either that or its another 9am lecture!

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Study Technique

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January 25, 2012

Studying can be a real bitch. Especially with a reading-heavy course like psychology, and doubly so because you have a mix of facts, dates, names, theories, and more abstract things to remember. So developing a good study technique is key to survival. I am only now starting to get real study technique down, for the first year there really didn’t seem any need since we could wing it and revise hard near exam time.

The biggest change this year is the sheer quantity of reading we have to do. Some modules are worse than others of course, and a stark example of that is that our Developmental Psychology reading for the last lecture amounts to more than almost the entire reading for Individual Differences. When the term started I began by doing all the reading and taking notes on the reading before the lecture, then taking notes in the lecture, then if possible re-reading the relevant parts after the lecture. What I have realised is that although it is still important to work hard, you can also work smart and lighten the load significantly. So this is my current plan:

-Skim the reading. I don’t mean read fast, this is quite literally a skim over the text, just noticing the way it is structured, maybe a few words that jump out, any headings, and possibly vague topics.

-Speed-read the text. There are a lot of pages online that give the basics to speed-reading, but quickly they are: use a finger underneath the line to follow (or lead) where you are reading. This helps you stay focused, maintain speed, and prevent regression or jumping (going back and re-reading things and jumping around the page reading words at random); have a good environment free of distractions; do not worry if you miss something, keep going. There are more but these have been the most useful for me.

-At the end of each section summarise what you have read in your head.

-Take printed slides into the lecture and make notes on the slides.

-Re-read only the relevant parts of the text, this time taking notes and combining that with your notes from the lecture.

-Return later and test yourself then re-read your notes. I have read a study (which I do not have the details of to hand) that found that constant revision of something is less effective at committing it to memory than revising with increasing gaps. I believe it was optimal at something like a day after first learning, a week after that, three weeks after that (don’t quote me on this!). Various studies and theories also claim that it is more effective to study in a small group (obviously not the reading parts) because even explaining things to others helps you remember and understand it better and may highlight weaknesses in your understanding that you were not aware of.

I did look into memory techniques too, but although there are some fantastic techniques for remembering long number sequences, remembering theories, names, and dates remains quite tricky. Having said that some time ago I watched a fantastic video about brain anatomy memnomics (how the hell do you spell that?!) that I will have to post here.

If anyone has any other effective study tips please let me know!

I

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Busy Busy

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January 11, 2012

I wanted to write a longer update but this is about all I can find time for right now. We have had lectures for three out of five modules now and I am realising just how much work is involved this term. Its not even just the amount of reading (three lectures in and I’m already half a textbook behind!) but the level at which we are expected to perform – reading multiple sources and picking up on the differences, forming arguments, and coming to our own conclusions. It is tricky stuff!

I know I can do it though, I just have to focus, work extremely hard, and keep motivated. I am aiming squarely at that First and I will do the work required to get me there.

Right now though I need sleep. Tomorrow is a pig of a day, a two hour lecture starting at 9am then a three hour lecture finishing at 8pm! So for now, sleep well all! To make up for the poor post I will pull one from the vaults and put it up tomorrow :-)

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2011 in review

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January 2, 2012

New years day is my birthday, but I have never fully understood why other people celebrate new years. However it does provide a convenient point to pause and look back at the previous year and remember and appreciate all that has happened. So that is what I am going to do.

2010 was a tough year for me, but in its toughness it brought significant change. 2011 has been all about holding on to those changes, while 2012 will be about maintaining and improving those changes to provide a solid foundation for a future that will be very different from the bad times I am getting away from.

All in all 2011 has been a good year with a number of achievements.

I founded the newsletter for the psychology society, which I hope will be a continuing legacy, and I went on to be elected as the president of the society.

I have learned to balance my work and responsibilities better by controlling how much I undertake at once, something that I was acutely aware of back in January.

I overcame mental and physical illness and won awards, completed an NVQ and started another, and got pretty good grades for my first year.

I went for two interviews for placements, coped with “failure”, then finally found a fantastic placement.

Finally, I have gained insight into myself and my personal history, and battled thoughts about my ultimate goals.

2011 has been tricky, but on the whole enjoyable and I have learned vast amounts. I suppose the next question is: what are my plans for 2012? Stay tuned to find out!

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